treiliae

My front right turn signal has been out since August 2010. My front left turn signal has been out for a few months. Finally, I broke down and realized I had to change my light bulbs when my front left headlamp burned out. As a recently new adult, I've been on a kick of doing things the "adult" way and not just breaking down and asking daddy to fix my problems.

Now I see why adults like to bring their car to the dealership/mechanic for simple things like oil changes and small bulb labor.

I dug out a dusty owner's manual and found the spec numbers of the bulbs I would need and purchased them at an auto parts store. The sales person offered to change the headlamp for me, so I thought I was in luck and would not even have to do it myself! However, after looking under my hood, he realized the process would be much more difficult than he had anticipated and sent me on my way with the advice "You just have to unscrew those two bolts".

I get home, dig through my housemates tools and find the correct 10mm socket. Dig through again looking for what I was referring to in my head as a "socket turner thingy" (ratchet? I think the correct term is). No luck. Terrified at the aspect of going to the hardware store and asking for a "socket turner thingy", I drive the 25 miles to my parent's house to borrow their tools. At this point I was feeling a little dejected at not being enough of an adult to have my own tools, but I was still pumped up that I was going to do this task mostly by myself!

I get home, get all the tools I need, and begin work. Unscrew a couple bolts, and won the battle to get the headlamp plastic piece out of the car. My owner's manual said that this step might require two people, so I was feeling pretty confident at this point. I unhook the wiring harness, then I have to untwist some plastic thing that holds the light bulb in place. It's plastic, so I can't use any tools because it might strip it. I twist and turn with all my might, but the piece won't budge. I took a break to watch youtube tutorials to see if there was a trick or a lever or something I was missing, but no, I was doing it correctly, I just wasn't strong enough. I had my mom try to untwist it to no avail.

I'm incredibly disappointed that I can't even manage to change a light bulb, but I managed to do most of it by myself. It just came down to me not being strong enough.

So I went to pick up my boyfriend from work, and he managed to get all the lights changed in less than ten minutes.

I'm a terrible adult sometimes.

i think i only post on this thing when i have boy problems.

it's kinda funny - i want to show colin one of these posts because i think it is fairly well written, but i can't because it's about stuff i don't want to tell him. obviously not the chris/kayla analogy one - it was shitty stream of consciousness, but "Musings". i texted him part of it, and it was good enough that he asked whether it was from something, or if it was me. it was all me.

i don't know what to say right now. i feel blank and that is making a deep subconscious part of me depressed. so, sad face.

i think i'm going to go masturbate or something. bye.

Don't get any big ideas
[[you're not going to stay true]]
They're not gonna happen
[[why would he be any different]]
You paint yourself white
[[he doesn't know your past]]
And fill up with noise
[[covered up by lies]]
But there'll be something missing
[[he knows there is]]
Now that you've found it, it's gone
[[you were doing so well]]
Now that you feel it, you don't
[[he was so real]]
You've gone off the rails
[[you fucked up again]]
So don't get any big ideas
They're not gonna happen
[[nevermore]]
You'll go to hell for what your dirty mind is thinking

And it feels right this time
On this crash course were in the big time
Pay no mind to the distant thunder
Beauty fills his head with wonder, boy....

I love you, I said. His actions said I love you too. I thought.

Says it feels right this time
Turn around, found new high lights
Good day to be alive sir
Good day to be alive, he said.....

He is smitten. He has a new princess, a new high. A new reason to be alive.

Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel
Is just a freight train coming your way
Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel
Is just the freight train coming your way

I thought things could get better. I thought we could be together...

I saw the light. It destroyed me.

Dont it feel right like this
All the pieces fall to his wish
Suck up for that quick reward boy
Suck up for that quick reward they said.....

He holds all the cards.

It's just the pain and heartbreak I deserve.

I think it's a self confidence issue.

When do I stop looking into others lives, wishing I had theirs? Why can't I make my dream a reality? What's holding me back?

I don't know.

I think it's because I really don't care. We just die anyway, what does it matter.

meh.

life is not so bad. i live to go to work and make money.

i really need a hobby. fuck.

The new director guy is pretty cool, but I have a feeling he already doesn't like me, lol. Oh well, I'm a senior so it doesn't matter that much for me. I'm not dreaming to be drum major or anything :p On the other hand, I'm worried about the percussionists, the percussion instructors seem to not be very good high school directors. Oh well. Surprisingly, I'm super glad Carissa is still here - she'll say hi to me occasionally, it's pretty cool :)

It's confusing how we keep getting things changed on us! Saxes now keep our left hand on our instrument for parade rest - while it does make sense and we don't go to parade rest that often, it's still confusing. I keep remembering halfway through the move that I'm supposed to keep my left hand forward....3 years of habit....lol! Marking time we now keep our toes on the ground and only lift our heels. I like that change, but I keep forgetting and doing it the old way! Marching forward has changed a bit but it is a subtle difference so I am marching as I am used to. The backwards style and corner technique will most likely change so while I want to be able to practice it in sectionals I cannot at this time.


Boosters creating drama with changing....we have to change into our ugly uncomfortable summer uniforms at school and sweat in them the whole time - not so bad for coon rapids but for the cannon falls/richfield craziness? if it's hot at all I'm going to have a tanktop underneath to wear on the bus and they can kiss my derrierre.  currently on the schedule no sunday shows! That is amazing - I hated  the Friday/Sat/Sunday shows that always seemed to happen once or twice.

Marching band should be fun - the saxes are pretty amazing so far. :D

I got a 32 on my ACT! 29E, 30M, 32S!!!, 35R. Haven't got writing subscore yet. I got a 4 on the AP Physics B test, meh. I should have studied a bit more and gotten a 5 oh well!

June is already almost gone...damn.

Well, that's all for now. I should probably go do something productive........nah.